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In a world where effective communication can make or break relationships, understanding the nuances of how we convey our messages is crucial. A simple phrase, “It’s not what you say, but how you say it,” underscores this idea. These nine words carry immense power, backed by psychology, communication science, and emotional intelligence research. This phrase serves as a guiding principle for those seeking to improve their relationships, enhance their credibility, and inspire respect.
The Power of Non-Verbal Communication
As early as the 1970s, psychologist Albert Mehrabian discovered that communication relies only 7% on the words themselves. The rest is composed of tone of voice, which accounts for 38%, and body language, which makes up 55%. This is known as the 55-38-7 rule. Numerous studies have confirmed that the way we say things, more than their content, profoundly influences how others perceive us.
For instance, when someone verbally expresses an emotion such as anger or joy, but their tone or gestures do not match, the listener will instinctively trust the non-verbal signals more. This phenomenon highlights the vital role of non-verbal cues in effective communication.
Emotional Intelligence and Aligned Communication
This is where emotional intelligence comes into play. Mastering what we express through our body, voice, and emotions demonstrates relational maturity. The phrase becomes a mantra for better interaction. Consider two scenarios:
- In a couple’s discussion: Expressing personal boundaries is legitimate. However, if one shouts, trembles, or speaks anxiously, the message may be poorly received. A calm and firm posture strengthens the communication.
- Requesting a raise at work: Even with strong arguments, an anxious or hesitant speech can undermine the impact. Conversely, a confident attitude and a steady tone can convince more effectively than a plethora of statistics.
A Powerful Tool for All Relationships
Repeating the phrase “it’s not what you say, but how you say it” can help us refocus on the intention, posture, and emotional impact of our communication. People with high emotional intelligence understand this well: they focus less on perfect content and more on the harmony between their words and actions.
Scientific research supports this idea. According to a study conducted at the University of Oxford by Professor Robin Dunbar, 80% of relationship information is transmitted through non-verbal signals. Conversations are not merely exchanges of ideas but also exchanges of emotions.
In an era where authenticity and clarity are more valuable than ever, this phrase deserves to be etched in our minds. It reminds us that effective communication is about being understood with coherence, respect, and humanity.
The Science Behind the Phrase
The phrase “it’s not what you say, but how you say it” finds its roots in both scientific and practical domains. The research by Mehrabian and others has established a strong foundation for understanding the importance of non-verbal cues. But beyond research, everyday interactions reveal the truth behind this statement. Whether in personal relationships or professional settings, the alignment of words with non-verbal signals can either reinforce or undermine the intended message.
For example, during a presentation, the speaker’s gestures and tone can either engage the audience or create a disconnect. Similarly, in a personal conversation, maintaining eye contact and using a warm tone can make the difference between a supportive interaction and a misunderstood intention.
Reflecting on the impact of our communication style leads us to ponder: How can we consistently align our verbal and non-verbal signals to foster stronger, more meaningful connections in our lives?
Did you like it? 4.6/5 (22)
This article was a game-changer for me. Thanks for sharing this insight!
Is there any scientific evidence backing up this 55-38-7 rule? 🤔
It’s amazing how much non-verbal communication can impact our relationships!
I think the phrase “it’s not what you say, but how you say it” is pretty cliché… 😅
Can you give more examples of the phrase in action?
Thank you for making me rethink how I communicate with my team. 🙌
Emotional intelligence is such a buzzword these days. How practical is it really?
Does this mean we should focus less on what we say? 🤨
Great article! I’m going to try this phrase during my next meeting.
Can this concept be applied to digital communication, like texting or emailing?
Is it possible to improve emotional intelligence, or is it innate?
This phrase is a lifesaver, I’m going to use it to improve my social skills.
I’m skeptical. Isn’t content still important in communication?
Does this mean introverts are at a disadvantage in communication? 🤔
Thank you! Your article really helped me understand my recent conflicts better.
I need to work on my body language. Any tips?
What about situations where non-verbal cues are misinterpreted? 🤷♂️
The article is great, but I wish it had more examples of successful communication.
I’ve definitely been guilty of focusing too much on the words! 😅
Can emotional intelligence be taught, or is it something you just have?
As someone with social anxiety, this is really eye-opening.
Does “how you say it” also apply to written communication? 📧
Thanks for the article! I’ll be more mindful of my tone from now on.
Is this advice applicable to public speaking as well?
How can we ensure our non-verbal signals are interpreted correctly?
Why is this phrase considered powerful? Aren’t words the main focus in communication?
I’m curious about how this applies across different cultures. 🌍